Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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