So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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