I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
