i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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