We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
