Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
