Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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