Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There's always time for handjobs
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
