No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
