apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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