i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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