Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
