my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
