Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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