I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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