I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
