then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
