I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize