YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
