It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
