yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
