This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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