So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize