im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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