just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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