Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
