i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
