the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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