your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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