Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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