dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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