That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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