After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
