So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
