I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
