You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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