So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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