to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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