some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
