Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
