there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize