Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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