Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
