THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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