Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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