She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This is the prime rib incident all over again
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
