So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
