i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
