im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
