I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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