Quick, to the slutcave!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
