If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
