I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
