I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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