She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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