I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
