capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
