You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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