Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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