Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
