LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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