Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
