Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
