my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
