so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
