He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
