Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
