I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
