grandma shit on top of the toilet
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize