jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
