what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
