im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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