Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Randomize
